Running into an ex
We’ve all been there. It’s the day we thought we would rock the “cute” sweats and high bun look. The day you only put on mascara as an afterthought. It’s never on the days that you might as well be walking around with Beyoncé blasting from speakers on the street.
Alas, they are here. You’ve replayed this scenario in your head hundreds of times. The moment is finally here.
You have several options: 1) Hide. Jump behind the nearest tree or large dumpster. 2) Ignore them while staring directly at them so that they are aware you are ignoring. 3) Ignore them but pretend that you don’t see them. 4) Speak to them ONLY if they initiate. 5) March up to them and begin conversation like it’s nobody's business.
The option you choose will depend on the way your relationship ended and the personality of your ex. Regardless, the whole encounter will be over quickly. Keeping that in mind, it’s best to have a strategy planned ahead of time for these inevitable surprise encounters.
Option five (power woman approach) is ideal when you look fantastic and are trying to exude confidence. Option 3 and 4 (secretly ignoring) are similar but have an air of “je ne sais quois” mystery woman behind them. Option 2 (obvious ignoring) could be used as a tactic when feeling angry and wanting to transmit negative voodoo energies through the eyes. Unfortunately, it also has the drawback of indicating to your ex that their presence affects you.
Option 1 is great if you are wearing the casual outfit described above. It is not so great if you don’t readily have a large obstacle to hide behind, for example, a field or a concert (although crowds will help you there). Since obstacles are lacking, look for a large and tall individual to hide behind. At a beach? Sun umbrellas are your friend. No umbrellas because it’s cloudy? Lie down in a plank position on a log. The chameleon effect is what you are trying to channel. Ensure that you always wear brown log-matching swim attire to the beach unless you are willing to go for options 4 or 5.
If they somehow (shockingly) see through your foolproof plan, pretend to be picking up a small object from the ground, such as an earring backing. If your ears aren’t pierced, a bobby pin. No hair? A button. No shirt? Girl...You have bigger problems if you’re walking around bald and shirtless.
I have been incredibly fortunate to run into my exs while wearing black sequin leggings or otherwise instablogger worthy outfit. My favourite tactic is the “remain in visible distance but strike up conversation with person in the same field of vision so they don’t know if you’re looking at them or the other person”. Key tip for this method is to smile and laugh—you want your ex to go home and take melatonin to fall asleep at night after seeing you.
When the time comes, everything will be fine. Hopefully, the encounter might even be lack lustre. March on forward with your day/night with Destiney’s Child “Survivor” playing as your new-found theme song:
"Thought I couldn't breathe without you, I'm inhaling
You thought I couldn't see without you, perfect vision
You thought I couldn't last without you, but I'm lastin’
You thought that I would die without you, but I'm livin’..."